I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
