You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
