I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
