This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
