Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
