I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
