oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
