im having a threesome with these popsicles
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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