Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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