I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
