Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
4 words: hood of his car
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
