I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
