Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
