the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize