opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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