sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
bring money and cleavage
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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