living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
