You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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