I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
did you just send me my own nude
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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