The maid of honor just puked.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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