3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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