I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
