Where did you get a picture of my penis
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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