my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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