i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
