is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
