I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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