she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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