PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
