i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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