I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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