I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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