Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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