I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
