She is in my trunk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
