It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
