sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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