If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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