It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
