He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pants are for mortals
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
