Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
