Me. At least after what I've been through.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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