Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
