Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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