My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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