have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
