So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
