We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
