I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
