And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
