let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
